Squat Toilets

squat toilets
By now, maybe you’ve seen our pilot episode’s trailer, or you’ve heard rumors. It’s true, China is full of squat toilets. Don’t be afraid. Fear only makes things worse, as Melvin will discover in the pilot episode.

I have to go nr. 2.
I have to go nr. 2.

Squat toilets are good for you. Squat toilets are your friend. Humans are designed to squat. You have squatted for a millennia, until the advent of the modern toilet. Your colon has a natural “kink” in it to help maintain continence. Squatting opens this “kink” to allow the colon to “empty” quickly and completely. People who squat “finish their business” in 50 seconds, while people who sit take 130 seconds.
The Science Is SimpleDon’t be afraid. Squat toilets make you look good. Squatting keeps your leg, behind and stomach muscles toned. Take care of “business” and get some exercise. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. And get some reading in at the same time! Wow!

Don’t be afraid. The modern toilet is bad. It causes constipation, hemorrhoids, colon disease, urinary difficulty and infections, and pelvic floor issues. Besides, don’t you find it disgusting to be forced to sit on something that was last used by a complete stranger’s butt cheeks? Isn’t it a bit odd that you have to endure their remaining [butt cheek] warmth?

The only benefit of modern toilets is that they are the perfect excuse when trying to explain how you caught a venereal disease to your significant other, “I swear! I must have caught it from the toilet seat.”

90 Degrees
90 degrees!

Don’t listen to Larry. Forget 90 degrees. Channel a baseball catcher or an alpine skier.
How To Squat
Don’t be afraid of squat toilets. Embrace the squat toilet, not literally; not even if you’ve had way too much baijiu (白酒/báijiǔ). Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Don’t sue us: This website is not designed to, and does not, provide medical advice. All content (“content”), including text, graphics, images and information available on or through this website are for general informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice, or delay in seeking it, because of something you have read on this website. Never rely on information on this website in place of seeking professional medical advice.

One thought on “Squat Toilets

  1. Pingback: Hao Hao Report

Leave a Reply